Saturday, February 9, 2008

John McCain appeals to my thirst for power

It's no secret that I'm good friends with John McCain. I like him. He's a good man. In a lot of ways he reminds me of Nixon.

He called me at my hotel this afternoon:

"Henry, ol' buddy!  Heeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!"
Sometimes, he likes to pretend that he's Johnny Carson. It's actually rather annoying, especially since the man has no sense of humor. "That's great, John," I said rather unenthusiastically.
"Well,, it's starting to look like I'm gonna actually win the GOP nomination."
"I heard that.  Congratulations."
"So, um, I was thinking...I really don't like the idea of having a cabinet full of punk kids.  And I really don't trust these neoconservatives."
"What do you propose?"
A few beats of silence.
"Do you want to work for me, Henry?" again with the questions, "we could stir up a whole bunch of shit in the Middle East now that things are so screwed up there. We'd have a lot of fun. The press has their thumbs up their asses with Iraq, we could do pretty much anything we want!"
"What about the Democrats in the Senate? They would never confirm me, John. I don't know...this whole situation is a bit similar to when Nixon took over Vietnam isn't it? And what if the liberals try to take away my Nobel Prize?"
"I'll get you four more Nobel Prizes! Look, Henry, the Democrats are completely brain-dead. Besides, I've got some pictures of Harry Reid that I'm pretty sure he doesn't want anyone to see. If that doesn't work, I'll make it a recess appointment!"

So, John McCain wants me to be his Secretary of State, eh? Hmm, I do love the sweet taste of power! Mmm. Power.

Or is that my denture adhesive?