Microsoft's tactical prowess...I had nothing to do with this one.

Valleyway has the story. It turns out that Microsoft made its offer to buy Yahoo at a crucial moment internally for the company. They forced the stock price up right as some kind of employee benefits package was expiring, so everyone had an excuse to leave, thus bleeding the talent away from Yahoo...just brilliant! I swear, I did not advise Microsoft in any official capacity.

Ruskie offers tactical advice to Yahoo!

I received this video today from one of my contacts at Yahoo!'s Corporate Intelligence Agency! (CIA!) depicting a man who has made himself known to me only as "shpigler."

He claims to be offering invaluable advice on negotiating tactics with Microsoft. His demeanor suggests a confident individual who would directly or indirectly benefit from further Microsoft-Yahoo! negotiations, whether or not a merger, referred to as the "Big One," takes place. As this is the case, I must consider him to be a dubious source of objective information on the matter.

I shall advise CIA! to take the subject's information into consideration, but that they should be aware that this might only be a small piece of a much larger puzzle. In fact it is entirely possible that this is a setup, designed to lure Yahoo! into making some as yet unforeseen maneuver which would yield catastrophic results.

Yahoo!'s refusal to accept Microsoft's proposal invites a response which could easily be compared to the outcome in 1968 of Czechoslovakia's so-called Prague Spring.

If this is the case, perhaps the Google Counterintelligence Operation (Gcop) has heard something along those lines...

In any event, I will be watching out for this "shpigler."

Prague Spring in Eastern Yahoo?

Memo for President Nixon

Mr. President,

I fear that my services will be required very shortly in the near future. I was contacted by President Vladimir Putin today via telegram. He said that Eastern Yahoo has rejected its overtures for annexation. I think that he'll take the same position as Brezhnev: heads will roll on this one! This is going to be very big. I will be leaving Bonn to make my full report tomorrow evening.

~Henry

Nixon is going to screw up this Microsoft-Yahoo! merger

He's gone crazy again! You see, he misses being president so much that when discussing the major technology companies, I have to refer to them as Cold War superpowers.  Otherwise, he won't listen.  My report from Cupertino follows:

We must establish a trade pact with the People's Republic of Apple. I have just returned from a meeting in Cupertino at the behest of President Nixon. I met with Premier Jobs and our discussion was quite productive. He said that the PRA would would be interested in opening economic relations with the West.

In the Union of Soviet Microsoft Republics, the CPSU is looking to formally expand the nation's borders into Eastern Yahoo! I believe this annexation would effect a dramatic shift in the balance of power on the world stage. It would set a precedent for further expansion into other Soviet bloc countries and perhaps beyond. However, if we were to formalize trade relations with the PRA, which would have major economic benefits for our nation, it would also have the added benefit of creating a tacit anti-Soviet alliance.

I will be meeting tomorrow with NATO leaders to discuss these issues at the Googleplex in Bonn. I look forward to meeting with Chancellor Eric Schmidt.

To which Nixon replied:

Well done Henry, but if you want that second Nobel Peace Prize before you kick the oxygen habit, your plan needs to produce a much higher body count. We need to figure out how to drag on negotiations long enough for Ballmer to destroy some serious "shareholder value."

What else could I do but tell him how much I agree with his insane idea? This is going to backfire on us: I just know it! Someone's going to leak this whole operation to the press. They'll take away my Nobel Peace Prize! Perhaps I could lay the blame on McNamara...?